I can't decide how I'm feeling towards mason these days.

While he was gone on detail the last couple of weeks I really missed him and kept thinking of things I wanted to share with him. When he visted at the endof jan things were SO SO good and I really loved having him here and we talked about the future and things that we'd do when he visited next. And then he left for detail and when he got back last thursday he was back to being abrasive and annoying online. Maybe its jjust that we not good at digital communication. Or I'm too semsative or paranoid. One of the biggest things I'm struggling with right now is that I am afraid to tell him how I'm feeling most days. For example I texted him last night to see what his weekend looked like and he told me and then asked why. I told him because the weather was nice so it would nice if hecould come up . When really I wanted to say BECAuse I miss you that's why.

We must have exchanged 25 texts last night when I as looking at hotels and he was so far from helpful that I told him that we should just screw it and he can ask around for another time and he was like it's a hotel just pick one that looks cheap. I told him that I wasn't going to do anytimg until he knew for sure and he was like I should know by 5 at the latest and I said that 5 was pretty late to start a five or six hour drive and his response was nobody goes out until 10 anyway.

I am scared that I'm going drive 10+ hours and he's going to blow me off. And I'm scared to tell him this for fear of looking needy or insecure. Except I am insecure.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.